You asked me to be your
So I took that leap to
stop a blade, catch a bullet, save a life
And I tried to defy gravity
for a friend
who just need a little help.
But unbeknownst to me, as I
tried my best to be what you needed,
You crept up behind and:
at my wings of white and
stained them red and though I tried to fly again, I just
fell to where you had been.
“Help me,” you begged, with pleading eyes and pale lips
Lifting your hands to the great above
Yet when I grabbed ahold and tried to lift,
you planted your feet firmer and laughed at my attempt.
I played tug-of-war with the Devil, your old friend
while you refused to let go of his fiery hands.
You described it like drowning,
a sea of doubts and regrets and pain
and some days you just couldn’t breathe.
I waded out to throw you a rope,
and you yanked me closer
Waiting until I could barely stay afloat
Before turning and
Into a sea you’d made with your own tears
Leaving me to fight an ocean I’d never seen before.
Nothing I did was ever enough, and you made it clear
that I was failing
(Or perhaps, that you were succeeding)
You pushed me away and expected that I grovel for your acceptance –
Just wanted to be wanted, and needed to be needed
And I fell for your stupid tricks and guilt trips
God, what a fool.
We could’ve done it together
The fighting spirit you refused to acknowledge
was stronger than you ever allowed
We could’ve turn back time’s cruel hands and erased the damage the world had done
But you refused, and after the world left you alone,
you picked up the knife and continued the work it had abandoned.
I could’ve born the buffets and the blows
of cruel bullies or abusive parents or heartbreaking boys
But not the strikes you dealt yourself, that you carved
on your own heart from the inside out.
Sadness was your best friend, and when you tried to replace her
she clung to you harder and you didn’t resist
Knowing from the beginning what I refused to accept:
I was fighting an
You never wanted anyone to save your life
You just needed someone to die trying.