“It takes two to make an accident”

and I swear to God, to you, to the apathetic stars above

that this didn’t happen on purpose.

I never meant for it to be so

real.

You were just a small fascination:

brown eyes that disappeared into a smile

crooked teeth that bore their gaps proudly

cold hands that moved deftly on the clarinet.

Just a first glance that lingered a little too long.

 

I was content to stay on the edge of that precipice, just

l  e  a  n  i  n  g

over the edge to maintain eye contact, to make sure that you were

real.

 

until

you presented me with the most valuable gift:

words.

Each one a precious pearl after years of silence in salty, selfish seas.

A string of baubles, strung along on a filigree chain,

for a foolish girl, strung along by your fanciful words.

 

Those jewels weighed me down, and I didn’t see it coming:

One moment I was standing, the next I was

falling.

Such a romanticized word for a painfully potent phenomenon.

I didn’t fall like snowflakes on Christmas Eve

leaves on an autumn day

petals on a spring breeze,

no.

I hurtled down, down, down

tumbling violently over boulders

rolling roughly through clouds of debris.

Acceleration – gaining speed at an alarming rate feeling sure that I would hit the bottom and

shatter.

 

Four years have passed, and I am still falling.

Reality’s parachutes of pragmatism have slowed me down, and sometimes I have hope that I may actually

stop

But strings of pearls overflow from my pockets, for I refuse to let them slip from my grasp;

Thus gravity takes its cruel toll and I

continue.

 

You sideswiped me. Blowing me right out of my path with your crafted words, infusing them with compassion and sincerity to give them that glowing sheen

compliments and encouragements and joyful memories to make me feel beautiful and smart and loveable;

I scrambled in the dirt, in the dust of your wake, for them, for those jewels so

grand as I had never seen before.

I put too much faith in your words

and you, not enough.

 

Perhaps the cause lies not in that we were two

opposites who careened together, even as we

drifted ever further apart in the scornful red shift of the universe –

No; this love that came so unexpectedly

was not the collision of two contrary souls, but the unfortunate meeting of two

who were exactly the same.

 

 

Addendum: Gatsby-inspired.

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